Ancient World : Egypt

"Over 3000 essential facts" about the entire ancient world in just 140 pages. Quick and dirty history baby. Instead of reading without true processing, I'm going to read in sections and comment on what I find interesting.  I love the ancient world, and I even teach Ancient and Medieval World Literature, but still I feel ignorant.
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Chapter 2: Egypt
5000-30 BCE

Egypt is, of course, the most widely known ancient culture.  Or at least it's the culture people think they know about.  Romanticized in the media and in our hearts, the ancient Egyptian culture appears as a combination of mysterious religious rites, scantily clad kohl-eyed beauties, and seductive power.  Oh, and then there's Cleopatra.  But here are some things about Egypt you may not know.

Interesting facts:

One of the longest periods of peace and prosperity in Egyptian history was under the reign of Hatshepsut (1473-1458 BCE).  She is Egypts most successful queen - eat that Cleopatra.  Unfortunately her name and image was erased from the land after her death, meaning her reign was quickly forgotten.  Poor girl.

"New Kingdom tomb scenes show semi-naked female dancers performing gymnastic routines to entertain the elite as they dine.  These may be interpreted as scenes of sexual potency and rebirth."  Or they could be interpreted as the world's first strip clubs...come on people. Stop trying to attach meaningful significance to what is obviously a lust-driven event.  Deal with it.

Pyramids are, as we know, the tombs of Egyptian kings.  Sort of a "mine is bigger than yours" contest on a massive scale.  Egyptologists are unclear on the actual purpose though: why that particular shape, why the gradiose tombs, etc.  But some believe the idea was this:  the pyramids were "gigantic ramps that would allow the soul of the dead king to travel up to the sky".  Of course any true SFF fan knows they are actually platforms for alien spacecraft.

From my brain and not the book:

Literature of the Time

The Pyramid Texts - As the name states, these were hymns and myths and autobiographies (possibly exaggerated) carved on the walls of pyramids.  Later these would be put on coffins instead.  I keep reading that these are the oldest known religious texts, but Descent of Inanna is the oldest story written and as it's religious, I'm thinking that's another example of Egyptuation (infatuation with Egypt).

Book of the Dead - The Book of the Dead contained vignettes regarding the afterlife, sort of a dead-guy's instruction manual.  How great is that?

Cinderella - In the first century CE - I know we are a bit outside our time frame, but come on it's Cinderella - the Egyptians had the story of Rhodopis.  Rhodopis was born in Greece but was kidnapped by pirates and sold into slavery in Egypt.  Her owner was a bit of an idiot who spent most of his time sleeping under a tree, which meant he never saw the abuse Rhodopis had to put up with from the other girls.  She was white while they were dark; her hair too light, her eyes too light, her skin too easily burnt in the sun.  They worked her hard, not doing their own chores, but instead forcing Rhodopis to do them.  Because she had no friends, Rhodopis spent a lot of time with animals, in a sense befriending them.  If she had the energy, she would sing and dance for her beasties after work.

One day, her owner woke from his nap under the tree to see her dancing.  He was so taken with her he had special shoes made for her.  The bitchies didn't like this one little bit.  When the Pharoah threw a party in Memphis, everyone got to go except Rhodopis.  She spent her time washing at the river and singing a working song.  Hippopotamus got weary of her song and splashed into the river, wetting her slippers.  Rhodopis took them off, but much to her dismay a falcon swept down and stole one.

This enterprising little cupid of a falcon dropped the slipper right in the Pharoah's lap.  Knowing the falcon was really the god Horus, the Pharoah decreed that whoever the slipper belonged to would be his queen.  A lot of foot-smushing ensues until lo and behold Rhodopis becomes wife to the king.

Sweetness, Cinderella is like 2000 years old.